What to say when your child tells you something worrying

Start by listening.

A child may begin with a few uncertain words. Stop what you can, give them your attention, and let them speak. NSPCC recommends responding patiently, taking the child seriously, and reassuring them that telling was right and abuse is not their fault.

You may feel frightened or angry. Try to keep those feelings from becoming the child’s responsibility. A calm response can leave room for them to continue.

NSPCC: Responding when a child reveals abuse ↗ (opens in a new tab)

Let the child use their own words.

Avoid supplying details, suggesting answers, or asking them to repeat the story again and again. Your role is to listen and help protect them, rather than investigate. The Australian Institute of Family Studies advises limiting questions to what is needed to understand the next protective step.

Do not promise to keep the conversation secret. Explain simply that you may need help from people whose job is to protect children. Share the information only with people who need it to help.

Australian Institute of Family Studies: Responding to disclosures ↗ (opens in a new tab)

Explain what you will do next.

Try: “I need to talk with someone who helps keep children safe. I’ll explain what I’m doing.” Avoid promises about outcomes you cannot control.

Do not confront the person the child names. Seek appropriate protection promptly, and write down what the child said as accurately as you can afterward. If a child is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.

Find the right reporting support.

In California, suspected child abuse or neglect can be reported to county Child Protective Services or local law enforcement. The California Department of Social Services links to county reporting contacts.

California Department of Social Services: Reporting child abuse ↗ (opens in a new tab)

Outside California, use your local child protection or law enforcement service. Educators should follow the reporting requirements that apply where they work, alongside their setting’s safeguarding procedures. Do not wait for a child to give a complete account before seeking help about suspected abuse.

Make room for everyday conversations, too.

At another time, our ideas for practicing how to tell a trusted adult can help families find familiar words. When a child is sharing a real concern, listening and taking protective action come first.

This is general educational guidance informed by the sources above, not individualized safeguarding or legal advice. Adults remain responsible for protecting children.